Today I can peel myself out of this bedroom
I will put on some shoes and walk outside
Today I will not fear that every moment could be my last
Today I go to my Lord with arms open wide
I’ve been fighting depression (again) letting myself wander down to the deepest little little recess in my mind.These are the places that are only available on my very dark days and I need to climb out but my strengths wain. I even don’t feel ready to come out of this yet because then I have to face the whole load of crap that has been building up around me waiting for me to face. I’m just not quite there yet and numb for just a while longer gives me a mental vacation that I otherwise I would have struggled more without.
I know that when I am ready, the Heavenly arms of my Father await me bidding me near to carry my burdens and to say that all is well, I need only trust in Him.
So without further ado, I will put this aside and pray that I Have the mental and spiritual capacity to take up God’s offer sooner than later.
Be blessed and walk in jOy.
This is all so new; Your precious love
You rein me in so tenderly
A full commitment is what you have for me
Nothing in this world could ever compare
I just want to tell you how I love you
I know You understand
I know You’ll never let me go
You’ll never let me down
You’ll never leave me stranded
You’ll never hurt my heart
You’ll never tell me goodbye
No matter what, You’ll never leave me
When I’m so far down that I can’t see light
I slip so easily to that pit without fright
When the day disappears and there’s only night
I cry out to hear Your sweet sound
When my head is filled with thoughts of despair
When the days disappear and nothing is clear
When I can’t form the words in a calm sweet prayer
I know that Your love will abound
You lift me up in your tender wings
Oh so sweetly my spirit sings
I am lifted into the arms of a King
And in Your arms I feel love
I let you carry my burden called life
I hand you over my worries and strife
Even the worst which seem so rife
I give thanks to You Father above
To pull yourself out of depression can be daunting. It really feels as if you do need to pull yourself out. Nothing seems to alter depression with the constant strength that it has to drag you further and further in without your permission.
“Hear my cry O Lord, attend unto my prayer
From the depths of the earth, do sing out to thee
And when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock
That is higher than I, that is higher than I.”
from one of the Psalms (sorry I do not remember which one)
You don’t have to fight back, you just have to hand it over God to carry you in His arms to a safe place where you needn’t feel afraid of slipping further and further down.
I am in that place now and God gave me the inspiration to write so that I can remember what I already know… that He is my shepherd and will not let me leave from the place without coming to find me and carry me to safety.